Dumbledore: Welcome back to another year of Hogwarts!
Dumbledore: I actually don't know why your parents still send you here
Dumbledore: There's like a 30% chance you'll die tragically
Dumbledore: And it just goes up every year
Dumbledore: I guess that just means all your parents hate you
Dumbledore: Great let's have some pumpkin juice
Apparently some people don’t appreciate me referring to Tom Daley as “Tea cup Michael Phelps”
One can say this in general of men: they are ungrateful, disloyal, insincere and...– Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince (via ramblingsofawranger)
Everything my mother’s boyfriend does makes me furious. Tonight at dinner he ordered a bottle of Shiraz instead of Pinot Noir and I almost stabbed him in his fat neck.
Me: Your new haircut looks...nice.
Younger brother: I look like an angry lesbian.